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ESCAPE THE LIVERPOOL GHOST TRAIN
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JANUARY 1923
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Donnelly, Grand, Gupta and Gaida all board the ghost train as it departs from the hotel room in a cloud of smoke - entering the same
carriage into which Irma was forced by the ghostly - and suddenly evil-looking Victorian passengers. They appear to want to "get intimate"
with Irma for a bit of a kiss and a cuddle but he's not putting out and proceeds to try and dissuade them from their "advances": By punching them.
 Irma And Trent On The Liverpool Train Donnelly charges down the carriage with Greg to try and help rescue Irma (the least Donnelly can do under the circumstances...) and they also get into a bit of a lover's tiff with the frisky Victorian after-life ectoplasms - resulting in further fisticuffs, and some serious bruising - to the ghosts.  Joseph Donelly Meanwhile, Gupta and Grand enter the next carriage - which is warded from the ghosts by an Ankh symbol inscribed on the carriage door. Some way down the carriage Gupta is hailed by a certain Randolph Alexi, also in Victorian garb but looking more substantial than some of the other passengers. He urges us all to join him in the same carriage to shelter from the amorous undead. Simon Grand runs back to call them. From another nearby compartment, the more present-day figure of Henry Stanley emerges looking very anxious and nodding in the direction of a skeletal corpse lying on the carriage floor. The body, revealed to be Albert - the son of Randolph, appears to have been a snack during the long journey to Liverpool - almost understandable as a viable titleernative to a British Rail sandwich, but a despicable deed, nonetheless. Back in the first carriage the Victorian love-in continues - but not for long as Donnelly, Greg and Irma finally manage to escape the clutches of the ghost passengers, fleeing to the safety of Randolph’s buffet carriage. Gupta and Donnelly take up guard duty at the carriage door whilst Irma and Gaida discuss with Randolph about ways to stop the train. It appears that Randy "father of the year" Alexi has already formulated a plan to stop the train. The idea probably came to him over lunch. By arranging colonic entrails in the shape of the model railway track and then assembling a tasteful model locomotive complete with carriages all constructed from a variety of internal human organs - Randy plans to move them round the track to simulate the model and therefore reverse the enchantment and close the gate.  The Liverpool Model Train Whilst Irma, Gaida and Randy discuss train sets, something more alarming is heard from further down the carriage. It appears that the Ghosts follow the philosophy that "she said no, but she meant yes" and have decided to resume their attempts to get cosy with us. One manages to get into the side of the carriage and Irma is able to punch him so that he hurtles into the void the train is steaming through - flailing off into the void. Another one gets through right next to Greg. Greg relents to the approach and gets as close to a snog as he ever has since leaving Poland. Unfortunately for Greg, Gupta throws his Khukri into the back of the ghost whilst Grand blasts it from close range - obliterating it. With all the action going on in the corridor, Irma and Randy get back to playing with the train set. Irma thinks it would be nice to add a few little hillocks to the track to make the journey more interesting, and is discussing with Randy about adding a few little trees along the route and perhaps adding another station when all of a sudden the gate is opened and the locomotive is hurled back into 1920s present day reality - at exactly the same point in time as our watches all stopped.  Playing With The Train Everyone is delighted about this - especially those that are battling with ghosts instead of playing with scale model train sets - delighted, that is, until they hear the shrill whistle of another train on collision course on the same track... With little discussion, we all proceed to throw ourselves from the back of the train, incurring a few cuts and bruises - except Henry who breaks a leg. As Henry is treated for his injury, he announces that he has decided to take up a new hobby. Instead of living and breathing modern railway transportation, he will now spend his days locked in his room hoping that no ghosts want to pop round for a snog or that Randy decides to pop round for a bite to eat. As for Randy, he puts his culinary appreciation of the fruit of his loins down to a simple act of necessity - and as Gupta tries to convince him of the benefits of a vegetarian diet, he too is reminded of his penchant for a live, beating human heart as an hors d'ouevre.  Wesley Freundlich-Fock During this time, Wesley has been evacuated from the hotel as part of a fire alarm (thanks to a steam train stopping in his room) - and is relieved to receive a phone call from the rail travelers, allowing him to avoid having to answer any more embarrassing questions about what he was doing in the room. For Randy, its back to happy families with his wife - and for the rest of us it is back to London to prepare for a less ethereal train journey to Paris. We Hope...... |
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